What time is it?

[John Brainlove]

Hilarious crap or hilarious out-of-character??
By the way... after the clocks changed -
synchronize watches to +6.05 to get yr clock running right
*over*

[Smileadelic]

Hilarious out-of-character. The song actually sounds alright in sonic terms.

[John Brainlove]

Jesus, if you think that's out of character you should hear some of my other early band efforts! Ha. Been in bands since I was 17, all the way through the Britpop days. I sang in an indie band called "Smiley". We counted The Bluetones and The Charlatans as our biggest influences. OOoof.

[Smileadelic]

I've been in some band or another since I was 13! The band I started then is amazingly still going, although we've moved on a little from our three-chord jangly origins. I guess we all have embarrassing musical pasts to deal with...

[i_deserve...]

Not me. I'm cool.

Okay, so the raps I wrote when I was 14 are excruciating, but now I'm a certified rap legend in my bedroom.

I'll give you a quick taste:
"Sneer like Little Ceasar as I'm leaving the courtroom/
Then I'm off like the leaves on the trees in Autumn/
PCs all "please report him" cause his recordings are distorting the youth/
And in court he's not reporting the truth/
Fact is, I ain't been caught with the proof/
As they see nought when I talk in the booth/
Like they don't see corporate suits/
In cubicles with pharmaceuticals/
So why fuck with me when the drama's musical?/
It's hardly suitable, but it's mildly beautiful/
They way they always fail to nail me down, and their failure's what propels me now"


Brainlove - That song is strangely professional sounding. It's better than Embrace! That said, so is a lump of shit. It's quite good in a "I'd never listen to this" kinda way.

[Wiggles]

Err, I'd keep that to yourself in future.

[John Brainlove]

Yeah, coz it's so good 50 Cent's crew might have you taken out.

[i_deserve...]

It is very good, actually. Very good. People are always very surprised by my skills.

Try and rap it yourself, see how it rhymes! It's fun to be talented at something. ;D

[tafkac]

I've never tried sitting down and writing proper lyrics, but email rap battles used to be such a good way of wasting time at work. Freestyling in writing. You have to set a time limit for each turn. Can be printed out to prolong the humiliation of your vanquished foes. I was unbeaten champion back in the day. One I still have from a couple of years ago:

You'll never come close to my expertise
My lyrics fly with the utmost ease
Come on then, for my pen
Is mightier than the sword
You get no reward
For your pitiful rhymes
You're behind the times
You're committing crimes against humanity
It's insanity that any man can try to claim such lame lines could win this game
All your rhymes are the same
Your syllables are risible
Don't look so miserable
There's no shame in losing
You won't take a bruising from me
Though you might want to flee
And brother, pray don't retake the helm
Your skills don't lie in the poetic realm.


It also has the advantage of being able to pick detailed holes in what people have said, e.g.

You have very poor timing
If you're chatting about rhyming,
Your previous verse, though terse
Contained some tenuous examples.
Here are some samples.....

[i_deserve...]

Your poetry ain't flowing see/
Every line has one syllable/
And in future you'll be knowing me/
as the only MC that's unkillable/
Ridicule, is all you'll meet from my mouth/
Your deceit leads to defeat complete with a knock out/
So leave the room before you meet your doom/
My vocals bring sniper's bullets/
If you've got an undefeated record then I'ma fight you for it!


I win ;D

[John Brainlove]

"Come on then, for my pen
Is mightier than the sword
You get no reward
For your pitiful rhymes
You're behind the times"

This is hilarious. It would have to be done in an aristocratic English accent.

[tafkac]

Oh, its like that is it. OK haven't done this for a while, but I'll see you,

In fact I see you all too well
The hard sell? I got you rumbled,
But don't fret, I won't tell, no-one saw as you tumbled:
MIA, crumpled, abandoned stairwell: your fate
Don't wait till I strike - state your final farewell

Kiss these words: the last thing you'll read
As the rhymes I spit hit you with speed
Like a supersonic spacecraft. You mock me,
I'll knock you three hundred feet down a mine shaft

Shit, this ain't tough, its all too easy
My lyrical trickery flows rough, like the Zambezi
I'm the prince of darkness, the king of sin
I own your soul, so you'll never win!


Ahahahahahahahaha!!!!

[i_deserve...]

This ain't a game, so don't treat it like one/
My words'll beat you like a ginger stepson/
A verbal Smith n Wesson, i'm bringing crazy heat/
if you had a whole army you wouldn't be fazing me/
Talk of the Zambezi, wanna take it to Africa?/
I get the whole safari park making a snack of ya/
Lyrically like a lion, finish clinically without trying/
look in your girl's flat at the record's she's buying/
they're all mine, and she likes the picture cover/
12" vinyl actual size, bitch tell your mother!

[Tom-From-Sparks]

This thread is awesome.

I have no lyrical skill to contribute though.

[i_deserve...]

go on, try!

i love laughing at people's first attempts at rhyming ;D