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Post by bamos on Apr 25, 2005 8:27:31 GMT
On Friday night, I didn't go and see a gig. I didn't go to the theatre, or the cinema. I didn't even stay in and watch TV. Instead, I had one of the most surreal, yet ace, nights of my life. I went to the 2005 Dental Awards at The Royal Lancaster Hotel.
The magazine I work for organised it, and thus I was there in a 'working' capacity. Apparently. So I got absolutely mullered on free wine, free beer, free chewing gum, free roast beef and yorkshires, free Marlboro Lights and women. During the meal, I was sitting next to the drummer from Razorshite's brother. Oh yes, starspotting. And I met Norman Cook's dentist. God damn it was a star studded event.
I met Gyles Brandreth, and watched him make dirty jokes about MPs. Never has a man with such bad taste in jumpers and upper-class humour said the word 'goosing' with such glee. Superb.
I got chatted up by a group of six pissed Welsh hygienists. It was simultaneously quite exciting and fucking frightening. I then got photgraphed by some woman who followed me round with a camera and kept smiling at me.
I ate sandwiches and drank cider with managing directors of Wrigleys, Kodak and GlaxoSmithKline. These people are worth a lot of money, and I reduced the conversation to vaginal dryness and oral sex. I woke up on Saturday afternoon with a massive purple bruise on my arse. I have no idea how it got there.
Next year, someone will have to come as my guest, just to see how utterly ace this evening was.
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Post by Durutti on Apr 25, 2005 8:57:14 GMT
Ah freeloading! ;D
You sure the bruise wan't from someone kicking your arse for mentioning oral sex to the MD of Wrigleys?
Bamos: "Man, I'd rather blow an elephant than chew your gum."
Gum dude: "Bend over, son."
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Post by i_deserve... on Apr 25, 2005 9:05:57 GMT
I'm going next year, sounds like a proper rave!  |
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Post by Senses on Apr 25, 2005 10:00:33 GMT
Sounds like a cracking night. Now is some one up to the challenge of sorting Johnny Badteeth's mouth out (I know a few of you may wanna smack him in it!) ;D
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Post by bamos on Apr 25, 2005 10:15:37 GMT
It was awesome. The carnage at four in the morning had to be seen to be believed. Next time you go to the dentist, just bear in mind HOW ABSOLUTELY FUCKING WASTED they get when it's their night off.
To be fair to hin, Razorshite drummer brother boy was OK. He was also 6' 7", so I couldn't tell him he wasn't OK. Cos he's bigger than me and stuff. He said that Johnny is actually an alright bloke, despite the talk. I kept my lip buttoned and didn't insult the band, although that's probably being traitorous or something.
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Post by Tom-From-Sparks on Apr 25, 2005 10:15:54 GMT
The Wrigleys factory is in Plymouth, my parents had to operate a candy floss stall for some Cub event held there and I got loads of free gum. Obviously Wrigleys had the childrens teeth in mind when deciding to have a candy floss stalll... On Friday I drank about a litre of gin and then saw the Immortal Lee Country Killers. Well I say saw.... They were amazing but I don't remember much else. Certainley not enough to write a review  |
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Post by John Brainlove on Apr 25, 2005 10:22:48 GMT
I'm going to see them this Friday.
They are one the rockingest live bands EVER.
That sounds like fun Bamos. Did the MD's join in with your dirty jokes? Or call security,,
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Post by bamos on Apr 25, 2005 10:31:30 GMT
Nah, they were lobing it. Once we'd extablished common dirty joke ground, there were all sorts of pervy comments from people who should frown on that sort of thing. Which just goes to prove the old adage, 'Everyone's a dirty bastard when they've had enough free wine'. Or something.
I've also just remembered. I saw a fat woman's snatch. *shudders*
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Post by Tom-From-Sparks on Apr 25, 2005 10:35:36 GMT
I've also just remembered. I saw a fat woman's snatch. *shudders* Are you sure you went to the dentistry awards? Apart from that it sounds like a right laugh, we should have a Brainlove trip to it next year. We should also have a Brainlove trip to the Darts when that's on... |
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Post by bamos on Apr 25, 2005 10:38:33 GMT
The fat woman worked for some high-powered company, and was showing someone the tattoo on her lower back, which entailed her lifting up her dress. Unfortunately, I was sitting in front of her on a sofa that sank to just the wrong height...tip for the top laydeez - don't ever get that fat/drunk.
And I went to the darts at Lakeside in January. Twas superb!
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Post by DangerousDoug on Apr 25, 2005 11:56:20 GMT
i might be going to a comic convention in bristol in may sometime in a "working" capacity. i hope to god that its gonna be half as fun as that sounds!!
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SCL
Lieutenant
The Negotiator
Posts: 233
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Post by SCL on Apr 25, 2005 14:02:51 GMT
I love freebie work do's like that. I went to the toy awards last year and was sat next to the Chairman of Megablocks who's a big fat loud American, I was dreading it to begin with but we ended up having a vodka snorting competition with a pint glass of vodka in the centre of the table. It was disgusting but excellent fun!
They had a ride there that involved spinning people round so that any women who were foolish enough to get on in their ball gowns did the same as Bamos' lady.... twas nasty... (and no I didn't).
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Post by Monpot on Apr 25, 2005 14:03:59 GMT
Well of course you didn't! Not a classy vodka-snorting lady like yourself!
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Post by Smileadelic on Apr 25, 2005 17:45:42 GMT
Heh, I know a guy who went to one of these industry things once and, very drunkenly, started slagging off Lord Justice Sedley's opinions in some case or another. Unfortunately for him, one of the people he was talking to was Lord Justice Sedley. D'oh.
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